I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize