I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
