Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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