Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
