I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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