so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
