Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
