I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize