I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
