we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
