I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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