I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
