at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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