trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
