I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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