He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
