Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize