I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
