I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
