i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
