Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
