i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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