She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
