I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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