he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize