if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
