Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
