Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
