College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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