My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
