You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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