When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
