he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
