Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize