Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
My balls are so social today.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
