Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
