My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
