i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
