I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
