He kissed a someone with a penis
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I DEMAND FORESKIN
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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