I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
At least make sure they are 18
Why
smell my finger.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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