He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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