Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Watching her eat just hurts me
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
