i permit you to call me
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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