I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
