the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
