What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
