help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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