lets start a swedish sibling band together
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
