I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize