the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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