You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
where are my eyebrows?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
