yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
