If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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