He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I need water and some morals
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
