Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Randomize
