Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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