I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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