Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I want her autograph on my taint
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
