So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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