Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
