my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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