so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize