he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
