Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
