Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
