the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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