I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
