I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
A+ Viking dick
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
