finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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