I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
