my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
