he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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