i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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