My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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