I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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