i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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