when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
