Apparently you make a good broom.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
