I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
