Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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