Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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