Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
