Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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