my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
worst night to have a conscience
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
