He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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