Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize