this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
it's like iHOP with fire
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
