you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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