the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
