i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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