At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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