cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
