she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
