Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
there was a trapeze. enough said
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
