I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
