Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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