I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
