Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize