highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
