he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
