I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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