this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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